The daffodils are in full bloom and trees and plants that have been dormant are starting to wake up, despite the weather bouncing back and forth between false spring and winter and soon, real spring. This time of year is one of my favorites, because as I watch the natural transitional period play out around me I can't help but contemplate a transitional period in my life that began last Spring.
My other passion, outside of Silver Stone Apothecary, is self-defense and martial arts training. I have trained in various disciplines over the last 6 years. Last year, however, the place I was training and that had provided me with comfort and growth all of a sudden became an emotional burden. The environment I was in became toxic and I realized I could no longer stay there. Even though training is something I could do outside of a singular location, a big part of my identity was enmeshed with that particular location. I went through all the stages of grief after walking away and developed a negative connotation with training in general; so much so, that I manifested physical injuries shortly after my hiatus. It took months of dealing with what had happened and processing my emotions, but shortly before the holidays last year, a new opportunity presented itself and I decided it was time to reignite my passion.
A thought that I have grappled with recently is the idea of "starting over". It can be tough to do so, but I realized that I am not starting over from nothing. I worked very hard to gain the skills I have and those did not disappear. Just recently, I feel as though the whole experience has come full circle; my injuries have healed and I am regaining my conditioning. I am training in a new, healthy environment where I can push further than I was allowed to before. As I watch the blackberry vines I have tried so hard to gain control of coming back healthier than ever in my garden, I can't help but see a parallel to this whole situation.
We've all had those dramatic, full-stop events that come with loss and a change in direction. Whether the situation is the end to a relationship, the death of a loved one, or a life altering injury, there is definitely a grieving process we will go through, but ultimately we start over and we rebuild. We do not, however, start over from nothing. We have done this before and we start over with all the wisdom that comes from experience. Just like the cherry blossom tree or the lilac bush that looked dead just a few weeks ago, each one is waking up and starting to grow from where they left off.
Have you had to start over recently? I'd love to hear what that felt like for you. Leave a comment or shoot me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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